


Heartbeat

by LphandomS



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, jooki!bffs, kinda angsty, slight!hyungwonho, stay strong lyrics change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 00:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14367225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LphandomS/pseuds/LphandomS
Summary: Everyone knew, that's what hurts me the most.Everyone knew, yet nobody had told me.  Let me rephrase this: everyone knew but me.Probably it was because I was too blind to see the truth, or maybe the reason lies behind the fact that I get attached to people too easily and later on I only see what I'd like to.I am deceived by my own self.I don't really know.All I know is that now it's too late, although when I came into the picture, when I realized it was already too late.I just was not aware of this.





	Heartbeat

"Changkyun! I have in mind a melody we could work on, I already wrote down some lyrics." I announced as I made my way into the living room, while putting my jacket and hoodie on. My best friend groaned and I took a glance at him. He was laying on the couch with his eyes half-closed, his hair a complete mess. It looked like all his energies had been sucked out of him, no wonder he did not want to tag along at work today. I sighed softly. I really wanted to work with him today but by seeing how tired he was, I was not going to force him to come at the studio.

"I am going. If you change your mind you know where to find me." He lifted one arm and then he put a thumb up, not saying a single word. I smiled at his action while shaking my head and just like that after saying goodbye I was off to the music studio.

That day I had preferred to walk, to fill my lungs of fresh air, instead of taking a cab as per usual. Unexpectedly, I arrived at my destination ten minutes earlier than I was supposed to, so I sat on the small sofa in the hallway. As I patiently waited for a room to be available, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and I kept on working on the lyrics I had in mind.  
Drowned in my thoughts like I was, I didn't even notice how a silver-haired boy was standing in front of me.

"The room is free for you to use, now."

When he spoke, he startled me so much that I threw my cellphone away and I jolted up from the seat I was in. I lifted my head and cleared my throat, while meeting the gaze of the boy.

"I'm sorry, I could've hurt you-"

"There's no need for you to apologize, it happens. No big deal."

Not the best way to make a good first impression, though...

He smiled and what a beautiful smile he had, I was mesmerized. He kneeled on the floor, making me break the eye contact with him and when he got up he was holding my phone.

"I believe this is yours." I took my device and I checked whether it was broken or not.

"Thank you."

"I already told you, it's not a big deal. I'm Lee Minhyuk, by the way." He claimed as he stretched his hand forward.

"Lee Jooheon." I replied while shaking his hand, not knowing what else to do or to say.

"We already have two things in common: music and our last names." Stated Minhyuk after a while, with a small laugh leaving his lips. I dazed off and my eyes opened wide, I had almost forgotten why I was at the studio.

"Speaking of music, I should get going. There's something I need to work on." He smiled and I wondered if he ever got tired of smiling, even though it was one of the prettiest smiles I had ever seen. The first place was already taken by my little brother.

"Well then, have fun working." He left and I entered the room. I liked to think of the studio as my own little space, where I could always be true to myself and where no one was able to bring me down. I didn't have to think about other people's opinion, I was free. Therefore, as I took a seat in front of the keyboard which was connected to a computer, I felt as comfortable as ever. I began jotting down some chords as I rapped my way into the melody that was still running wildly in my head, beaming satisfied when i noticed how welll the rhythm blended with my lyrics.

When I was done with my work, it was already time to leave. The manager of the studio was kicking me out. Time flied by whenever I was at the studio, or I was surrounded by music. I could never get the hang of whatever was happening around me. Probably one of the worst habits of being a musician, but I couldn't help it. Just as I couldn't help but thinking about how much my stomach was aching for not having eaten anything since noon, about the gorgeous smile of that Lee Minhyuk guy and lastly that, even if I liked how I had developed my work, I still felt like there was something missing.

When I arrived at Changkyun's and my place, my best friend was sleeping so I had to be extremely careful and silent while I dragged myself to the kitchen to feed my hunger with an instant soup. Despite his sensitive ears, I managed not to wake him up and when I was done eating I barely had the time to clean me up that I had fallen asleep too.

The next day I was woken up by Changkyun and although I didn't want to, I jumped off my bed as soon as he announced he had prepared breakfast.

"Finally you're up, man! I couldn't take your sleep-talking anymore." The brunette joked while he served me some scrambled eggs and a few stripes of bacon.

"You signed up for this Changkyun-ah..." I teased him after I had taken a bite of that delicious-looking meal.

"Did I not, you moron!" He laughed and we continued eating like there was no tomorrow. After a few minutes of silence my roommate spoke up: "Who's that Minhyuk guy, you kept talking about in your sleep?" That question caught me off guard and I almost choke on my food. It was embarrassing how that habit of mine could make me reveal things I did not necessarily want to bring up.

"Just some random guy I met at the studio yesterday." He nodded but stopped asking, since he was more curious of discovering what I had managed to produce without his help.  
As soon as we finished our meal, I took my laptop and music surrounded our living room. I couldn't wait to hear my best friends advices. In that very moment, as music played on the background, I got reminded of my first encounter with Lim Changkyun.

I was performing at a gig and I had just gotten off stage when he approached me.

"Your style is dope, I really enjoyed watching your performance." I was surprised, I couldn't believe someone wanted to talk to me. Despite I had always thought that I was pretty skilled at making music, I didn't get many compliments about it. It always felt nice when it happened.

"Thanks." I managed to reply, however he was still standing in front of me and that made me wonder whether he needed something else.

"Is there—"

"I came here—" We looked at each other and laughed briefly, then he continued: "As I was saying I came up to you, because I'd like to work with you sometimes. I also rap and by listening to you I got the vibe that we'd balance each other quite well."

 

At that time, I never would have thought that something which started off as a working project could've developed into a long lasting friendship. I am happy he proved me wrong.

"Jooheon! 'The hell were you daydreaming about? You have been smiling like an idiot for the past few minutes!" I playfully hit his shoulder then cupped his face before he could push me away.

"I was thinking about you, pabo." He didn't even flinch at my action, instead he kept a poker face the whole time until I scot over.

"I'll never get over how you are able to pull that off..." I shook my head in disbelief.

"I'll never get over the act you keep on trying to flutter my heart but you fail every single time." I stick out my tongue and he grinned. It always ended up like that between us, but I'd never trade our friendship for anything else.

"Back to the important things, you should look for a singer. I think that the bridge and the chorus would be better if sung and not rapped."

One week later we were still at a starting point, Changkyun had changed some lyrics but we still didn't have a singer willing to collab with us, or better with me. I sighed, I wanted to wrap our project up but I wasn't able to and it was driving me crazy. Three weeks later I was at the studio once again, just like the past days and I still felt pretty demoralized because there hadn't been any turning points for the song.

Probably you are wondering why that Tuesday was any different from the other days. The only reason was that once again I was startled by Lee Minhyuk. I was leaving my little space, but apparently I hadn't closed the door properly. You can figure out the rest, no?

He smashed the door straight into my face.

"Oh goodness, I am so sorry!" The moment I recognized his voice I couldn't be anymore embarrassed. Did we have to meet like that every time?

"Don't worry, it's fine." I said as I massaged my forehead.

"Jooheon?" I lifted my head up and smiled, what else could I do?

"Minhyuk, we meet again."

"Is your head okay? I swear, it is not my intention to scare you off or hurt you... I am really sorry..." I put one hand on his shoulder and tried to relax him by telling him that it was fine, that I knew he didn't do it in purpose. However he kept saying he needed to make it up for me, that's how we ended up getting two iced americano at the nearby cafe. The place was small but cozy at the same time, the walls were turquoise along with some white motives that reminded of the sea. It was really nice and the cafes that we had ordered were delicious too. As we got to know each other I discovered that he was the eldest brother of his family like me, that he was born in Gwangju and that he would like to learn how to play the acoustic guitar.

"Wait a second, how old are you?"

"I am 22—"

"I am your hyung then!" Minhyuk almost screamed with a wide smile on his face. His happiness was contagious and I couldn't help but stare at him, as I took the last sip of my iced americano.

"Hyung, aren't you going to go back at the studio?" He shook his head and frowned.

"To be honest, I am on working on some lyrics... I have some of them down, but I just cannot pull off the right melody. It's as if nothing pleases me enough..." He bit his lower lip and looked down at the table, but quickly he recollected himself.

"Are you a composer?"

"Actually I am a singer and a songwriter." I nodded, just to open my eyes.

"You know, there's a project I am working on, I would need a singer. We could try to see if your lyrics fit my song..."

I fell in love with Minhyuk's voice as soon as I heard it, it was him who I needed. There was no point in denying it. He had sent me some tracks where he showcased his voice, so I could check him out and I ended up being mesmerized. Even Changkyun agreed that his deep and husky tone was exacty what was needed to finally be able to wrap up the song. I couldn't be happier. I enjoyed Minhyuk's company and if whenever we had to work together I had the opportunity to listen to his voice, it was even better. Needless to say, I was eager to work with him.

 _Can you feel my heartbeat?_  
_Still keeps its pace,_  
_despite my rises and my downfalls._  
_Still keeps on racing, falling, breaking._  
_However, it always stands up: ready to fight again._  
_My wings are ready to fly again,_  
_Gotta stay strong._

"Hyung, this lyrics are great. Do you already have a beat that could go along with the melody?" He only smiled at me and played the track I had previously recorded, when the time came he began singing over it and yet again Minhyuk had proved me his great skills. The beat, the melody, his voice, his lyric and my rap  all together blended as if they were the pieces of a puzzle that were just waiting to be combined and become a chef d'œuvre.

 _I may look young, but I had to face many hardships. There still a long way to go, I am not gonna stop._  
_Not now that I am so close to achieving my dream, they can go ahead and try to push me down._  
_I gotta stay strong for me. My mother, whom has always believed in me, I need to make it up to her, for all of those times she stayed up all night._  
_My brothers, I won't disappoint you all._  
_I'll make it even though the road is rough._  
_I also need to shine for you, who next to me, tries to comfort my soul when I see no light._  
_I gotta stay strong, for us._  
_I gotta stay strong, for me._

"You never cease to amaze me, hyung." He laughed, I could only stare at him and wonder how come, despite all the time I spent at the studio, I had never met him before.

"Oh, you know... I am a man full of surprises. However, I noticed that so are you." Minhyuk winked, then giggled when I blushed. I knew he was joking, but those comments flustered me anyway. When people sees me, they believe that I am one of those big bad boys who bosses everyone around and never has to do anything; but like the saying goes: looks can be deceiving. As weird as it may seem I am actually someone who freaks out for the smallest things, I get mad at myself whenever I cannot help who I care about and I am not scared of saying what I believe in.

"Did you just blush? That's cute." I blinked twice before answering, Minhyuk of all people was telling that?

"Am I not!"

"Yes, you are. Just as much as the great rapper you are." If it was possible I blushed even more, I was still not used to compliments and maybe I'll never be.

"Hyung, stop it. I am not that cute, you're way cuter than me and that's it." Somehow that managed to shut him up and I don't quite recall whether it was because of what I said or how I said it.

Nevertheless, Minhyuk stopped and I was glad.

We stayed at the studio a little bit more and I couldn't help but notice how awkward hyung's actions had gotten. I didn't question him about it, but I did wonder why. Was it because I had called him cute?

• • •

"Man, you've been neglecting me and the others so much. We should meet up, don't you think?" Changkyun and I usually spent our weekends hanging out with some friends of us, who we met thanks to music. We were very different when it came to our personalities, yet we all had fun together. It had been a while since we last met, or better to be said since I last met up with them. This was because of Minhyuk, I spent more time at the studio with him rather than with my friends. Changkyun was right, I needed to make it up for them.

"You have something in mind, huh?" I turned around to face him and he smirked. He definitely had something planned, however he wasn't willing to answer me. He wanted to keep me hanging and he knew that I despised it. Just then, when I was about to find the answers I was seeking for, the door-bell rang. I opened my eyes wide, I wasn't expecting anyone-

"Was it your idea to invite the guys over?" I asked my dongsaeng as I went to the door, in order to let my friends come in. He only laughed and I understood that my assumption was right but at the doorstep not Hyunwoo, not Kihyun, neither Hoseok nor Hyungwon were there.

"Minhyuk?" He greeted me with one of his biggest smiles and I probably looked as lost as ever.

"Hi, Jooheon!"

What was he doing here? Although my house wasn't anything new for him, he had been here once, but never would have I thought that he'd come to visit without invitation. I had nothing against that, it just threw me off.

"Where's the pizza—who are you?" Changkyun, who had gotten up from the sofa, was now next to me and it was only when I heard his voice that I realized that I did speak a lot about Minhyuk to my best friend but he had never met him before. I did not worry about them getting along, because knowing the both of them I believe they'd get on just fine. What worried me the most was Changkyun, there were a lot of things he could do or say to embarrass me in front of Minhyuk.

"I am Lee Minhyuk, nice to meet you."

"Lim Changkyun, pleased to finally meet you." Those word's left my rommate's lips and I knew that a long night was awaiting for me.

It turned out that Changkyun had no intention in embarassing me in front of Minhyuk huyng. Something about not wanting to ruin the image he had of me. That brat was really something...

Anyhow, we ended up eating together (the pizza my roommate had ordered), chatting and joking around. It was a great night until my dongsaeng pointed something out and that something I was not ready to hear.

"He got you wrapped around his finger, not once did I see you taking your eyes off of him." I shooked my head in disbelief then exclaimed: "Is beer driving you crazy?"

He just stared at me, not saying a thing. He was dead serious and the silence that had fallen in the room was of no help. I feared silence, just as much as I feared going inside of a haunted house. It was terrifying how many thoughts crossed your mind while being silent.

"I want to prevent you from getting another heartbreak, hyung." I smiled, showing my dimples. He worried too much about me, so much that I always believed it was gonna kill him one day.

"There's nothing to be worried about, I don't like him."

I couldn't have been anymore wrong. There's a saying that goes like this "None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see."

It is indeed the truth. Days, weeks and moths passed. I kept on meeting Minhyuk whenever I could, thinking about him 24/7 and constantly debating whether to text him or not. Despite that I still firmly believed  not being romantically attached to him, I denied what for everyone else was obvious. In fact, all of my friends teased me.

On the other hand, Changkyun was slowly drifting away from me and our bond seemed to be fading. Whenever I tried to discuss with him about the situation that was tearing us apart, he would push me away. Yet, I didn't know the reason why or I was simply blind and couldn't see it.

It wasn't such a surprise when I found out he had moved out but it hurt me nonetheless.

"He left? Through a voice mail? Okay, that's it. Wait for me, I am coming." I couldn't stop my tears from falling. My best friend whom I had shared passions, secrets and dreams was turning a page from his book. He was beginning a new chapter in his life and I was not welcomed in it. I felt betrayed, torn into pieces by whom I had trusted with all my being but I knew that this feelings of mine were all caused by my pain.

This time when Minhyuk rang the doorbell, there were no words needed. He hugged me, not saying anything. He caressed my back, trying to comfort me with his soothing voice and his tight embrace. My throat was aching because of the sorrow that had me drowning and I couldn't stop shaking, I didn't want to believe this. I hoped this were only a nightmare but  Minhyuk was there, so it couldn't possibly be. After what it felt like hours, my tears had dried and I reluctantly pulled away from hyung's arms.

"I am sorry for having called you at this hour..." I bit my lip and made my way into the living room, since we had been standing on the doorstep all along.

"I couldn't sleep anyway, don't worry." He flashed one of his big smiles and took a seat on the sofa. "Plus, you know you can always count on me. For anything." I felt like crying once again. I had lost a shoulder to lean on but at the same time I had found another anchor. I leaned in and hugged him, I couldn't get enough of it. I wanted to feel safe and Lee Minhyuk was giving me exactly what I longed for.

"Why do you think he left without confronting me? It's not like him at all hyung..." He shifted from his position so that he could face me and look at me in the eyes. He took a deep breath, before giving me an answer.

"Maybe he was hurt and determined to leave..." He sighed, I knew where this was going and I didn't like it one bit. "Not looking at you, could have been his only way to fulfill his wish." I held back my tears, it did make sense but at the same time it didn't. It explained why Changkyun had preferred to leave a voice mail instead of talking to me but what was hurting him so much? What was I not aware of? I bit my lip while nodding, suddenly I was tired and just wanted to sleep.

"Hyung, let's go to sleep." I mumbled. He was taken aback from that request of mine but silently agreed as he followed me towards the room I had shared with Changkyun up until then. I reached my bed and laid down, waiting for Minhyuk, who was staring at my bed, then at the one next to mine and at the end also at the floor.

"You're not gonna sleep on the floor, hyung."

"Then where? It's not like I want to sleep on Changkyun's bed either. I'd feel bad, it's as if I am usurping his rightful place." He stated as he passed on hand through his hair.

"You can always go back and sleep on the couch." I laughed, how could his presence only make me feel better?

"You're right." He stared at me, then without saying a thing he was already turning his back to leave my room. Things is I did not want him to leave and I'm pretty sure he knew it too.

"Hyung? Stay with me."

"Until you fall asleep." He agreed as I scot over to make some space for him by my side.

However he fell asleep earlier than me and stayed all night long.

• • •

After a while it became a habit, having him over at my place and somewhere in bewtween our movie marathons and our music projects I finally understood that I had fallen so hard I had no intention of getting up by myself.

"He whipped you, Jooheon-ah." pointed out Hoseok-hyung one day, I only blushed not saying a thing. He was right after all.

"Are you ever gonna tell him?" butted in our conversation Hyungwon, curiously. I didn't even get a chance to reply that Kihyun, rushed to say: "If you don't tell him right away, I'll find him and—"

"I want to tell him, but what if that ruins our friendship?" Kihyun who had been smiling for the whole time became extremely serious and looked at me in the eyes.

"Don't you dare make that mistake. It happened once already, I don't want it to happen again. You hear me?"

I had no idea what he was talking about and neither Hyungwon nor Hoseok knew, so they just stood still as I nodded frenetically.

"Perfect."

The day went along just fine, between laughs and jokes but even after getting home I still couldn't drift my thoughts away from what Kihyun had said. I was about to call him, so that we could talk about it, but my phone rang and I rushed to pick it up as soon as I saw who the caller was.

"Hello?"

"Hojoon hyung, you need to come tomy place. There's something I need to talk to you about. It's important." My brother never called if the situation wasn't crucial, he always tried to suck it up by himself. However, if things didn't work out I was always the first person he'd reach out to.

"What is it about Wooheon-ah?"

"When you come here you'll see." That being said he hung up on me. I hurriedly waved goodbye to my friends and I stepped outside to wait for a taxi. I was nervous, it was worrying me sick that Wooheon hadn't told me what was going on. In addition he had called me Hojoon and that was never a good sign. I wanted to get there as soon as possible, who knows what could happen while I am getting to my destination...

As I got off the car I rushed to the doorbell and rang it, my brother opened the main door and I began running up the stairs.

My mind was coming up with all kinds of unexplainable reasons as to why my youngest sibiling had called me, but I sure was not expecting to see my brother with a drunk Changkyun next to him. I spaced out while looking at them, a clenching feeling struck my heart and I felt the urge to cry. Why was he here? How long had it been since he had come to Woohen's apartament?

"Wooheon-ah why does that boy look like Jooheon?" Changkyun asked while getting up from his seat as I kept still.  
He was coming towards me, after all this time as if nothing had happened and it hurt knowing that weren't it for his drunkenness he wouldn't have taken a single step.

"Can you go back to your seat? You could hurt yourself Changkyun."  
For a long time I had wanted to see how my best friend was doing, I had wanted him to come to me. Now that this was happening I was distancing myself. Not quiet sure whether it was due to sadness, anger or perhaps both, but this feelings were like pouring rain over me.  
Changkyun began laughing hysterically, while looking at me, but I couldn't keep my eyes set on him. I much more preferred staring at my brother with a questioning look as I stayed silent.

"I have to get an important work done. I couldn't leave him alone, hyung." Answered quietly Wooheon and at that Changkyun jolted up.

"Are you leaving me too? Like your brother did?" Upon hearing those words I froze. It was not true, I had never left him. He was the one who disappeared from my sight without telling me. I clenched my fists and glanced at Changkyun who was shaking while menacing tears were rolling down his cheeks.  
I couldn't stay here with him.

"I won't leave—"

"Your brother used to say that too! Yet he did leave, when he came around!" I wanted to scream at Changkyun and tell him that he needed to come back to his senses, that whatever he was saying was a distorted lie; as I would have never let him go, if he himself hadn't left me beforehand.  
Every second spent in Wooheon's apartment made my breathe uneven I had to go away as soon as possible, I couldn't bear the sight and the feelings washing over me.

"I never left you, Changkyun." I spoke up as I tried to maintain my voice stable, as I looked at him and he turned his face to stare back at me, instead of Wooheon.  
In that moment he seemed to recognize my voice, he seemed to recognize me and slowly he approached me once again.

"You're talking as if you knew, Jooheon-lookalike. Have you ever felt this bittersweet?" While this happened Wooheon left as swiftly as possible and as busy as I was trying to place the pieces in the correct order, I didn't notice until it was too late.

"Having to reminisce the best memories of your life knowing they will never come back? Having to remember yourself that you have wasted years of your life? While waiting, hoping for a change foolishly?" He was crying and it shattered my heart. Undeniably I was crying too for him, with him. I got closer, I wanted to place a hand on his shoulder but he burst in tears even more and abruptly shook my hand off of him.  
I wanted to speak up, but I couldn't come up with anything to reply with. There were too many things that had to be said, but yet again I failed to put words to my thoughts.

"See? You don't know— he stopped for a second, which seemed like an  eternity to me— and if a stranger doesn't understand? How could Jooheon himself, biased as he is by his own emotions, understand? That my love for him, was tearing me apart? That seeing him happy with someone else was crashing me?"

When Wooheon came back Changkyun was sleeping and I was still crying and shaking. I still couldn't process the information I had acquired. I couldn't believe that once again my ignorance had struck, that I had deeply wounded, yet again, somebody whom I cared for.  
My throat was sore and my eyes puffy, I had wished my little bro wouldn't ask anything, but it was obvious he was going to. However, I didn't want to hear the question.

"How long has he been here?" He bit his lip, he looked nervous but answered anyway.

"Right after he left the apartment y'all shared. I thought it was just an argument, at the beginning."

I stood up, it was painful hearing that Wooheon had kept this away from me.

"Why—"

"He begged me not to tell you. Thought it was best not to, he was hurting too much. He couldn't confront you still. He wanted you to be happy in the long run." His sentence wasn't complete and even if Wooheon hadn't say it out loud, I knew what he actually meant to tell me.

Changkyun had wanted me to be happy in the long run with Minhyuk.

• • •

After almost two weeks spent crawled up in my bed, I decided to turn on my phone and finally get up to get some fresh air.  
My head was still dizzy and my heart still heavy.  
I was completely ashamed of my own obliviousness, however, I couldn't keep living this way.

The buzzing of my phone didn't startle me. I probably had unread texts and missed calls but before actually checking who had tried to get in contact with me, I dressed myself up and grabbed something to eat on my way out. It didn't surprise me that Kihyun had phoned me several times. I had to call him back to check up on him, ask him what was wrong and whether he needed something or not but I had no will at the moment. I did not want to hear whatever Kihyun had to tell me, that way I could at least try to set my mind free from my own thoughts. Outside the weather was nice, there was no breeze but it wasn't hot. 

There were no clouds on the sky, so it was clear and bright.

 Simply beautiful.

 Even so, as Murphy's Law states, what can go wrong will go wrong. I mean, what are the odds of bumping into a friend you're desperately trying to avoid?

I spot him first but he was the one who came up to me, I was too bewildered as I couldn't believe my own luck.

"I called you dozens of times and not once you answered. Now you even have the nerve to avoid me, huh? What kind of friend are you, huh?"

Kihyun at first sight seems like he doesn't actually care about anyone or anything, eventually you learn that that's just how he is. He'd rather conceal his emotion through a "if you mess with me, you're dead" type of mask; however, he is the opposite. I could never deny his saltiness but he was truly a dear friend, just now he showed me how worried he had been all along. Reason why I now began to feel a grip on my throat as I realized that by pushing everyone away, even if for a short period of time, I was doing no good neither to me nor to my friends.

I opened my mouth so that I'd be able to reply but nothing came out of my lips, I just closed it again and hugged him instead. Kihyun embraced me too, but at the meantime he smacked me upside the head. I flinched in pain and he smirked.

"Try doing that again and I won't be so gentle."

I threw my hands up in the air, it was my way of saying that I was sorry. Kihyun knew it, so he didn't say anything else any further. We started walking side to side comfortably in silence, until even that became too heavy to bear. Even if apologies are always hard to say outloud I had to explain myself as for why I had been so keen on avoiding him and the other guys, although finding the right words has always been a struggle to me and this time was no exception. My hand were getting cold, I was so nervous and there was really no reason. It was Kihyun after all, he would understand despite his brusque manners.

"The reason I couldn't hold a proper conversation with anyone these days was because of an encounter with my brother and Changkyun." Kihyun stiffened and stopped in his tracks as he turned to look at me. His eyes told me everything I had to know but I had to have a direct confirmation, so I didn't stop the words from leaving my lips. "There I found out the reason why he left." My gaze dropped tothe ground as the events repeated themselves in my head and I couldn't help but feeling like crap once again. I took a deep breath and locked my eyes with Kihyun's. "But I guess you already know it was because of me."

"I couldn't tell you, because I wasn't in the position to do so. I'm sorry though, I never expected things to turn out this way." He took my hands and squeezed them, a sad smile spread across his face and yet again silence washed over us; until he asked me how everything happened. I could feel my legs trembling so before telling him the story I searched for a bench to sit on, at least by sitting I could avoid collapsing like a corpse on turf. When we found a pew to rest on I slowly told him what had happened, I couldn't stop tears from caressing my cheecks but I surely felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Jooheon, he was drunk. This means you still have not talked to him, while he was sober and able to hold a conversation. You have to meet up with him as soon as possible, y'all need to fix this."

"I know hyung but—" He shaked his head and firmly stared and me. He wasn't gonna accept any excuses this time.

"We are going to go now. He's at your brother's place, right?" He grabbed my hand and forced me to get up but I just could not go there, I still didn't feel strong enough neither phisically nor mentally speaking.

"Hyung, I am not going. You cannot force me." He let go of my hand and I sighed relieved, but oh was I wrong. This was strike one, it was Kihyun we were talking about after all and he always had a plan up his sleeve.

"Okay then, I won't force you but you better do it!" He took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it briefly. "Want to come over at our place? Hyunwoo hyung said that also Hyungwon and Hoseok are gonna be there. I believe it'd be better for you... Staying alone at yours would only let you sink again."

I thought about it and since I felt sorry for having neglected everyone for several days straight, I agreed to go. This was strike two. 

We went to buy some groceries before taking a cab and heading to Hyunwoo and Kihyun's place. When we got there I felt like it had been ages since my last visit there, but nothing had changed, due to Kihyun and his tidiness.  I tried my best to make it up to Hyunwoo by cracking up some jokes and eventually explaining why I had not contacted anyone. I even offered myself to help out in the kitchen, but the Oh Mighty Kihyun stated that he'd rather eat poisoned food than what I cook.

Hoseok and Hyungwon were late as per usual, blame it on Hoseok and his fashion sense, but that was just how he was. We loved him despite his flaws.

At one point the doorbell rang and immediately I jolted up, since I couldn't help in any other ways, that was the least I could do.  
Strike three.

"I'll go open up!" I was eager to see my friends, so I reached the door in less than one second with a huge smile but due to who greeted me behind the door my heart missed a beat.  
It was Changkyun and I knew for sure this had been Kihyun's doing but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to get mad at him. This was bound to happen anyway, sooner or later.  
Our feet were glued to the ground and our eyes were desperately screaming at us to say something, but neither was able to come up with something.

Only when Hyunwoo came, I managed to scoot over so that Changkyun could come inside and take a seat, but as I was about to close the door Hyungwon showed up.

"Jooheon-ah!" He smiled at me brightly and I just forced myself to smile back.  
I was supposed to have fun, I was supposed to meet up with the homies and forget for a while about the drama but of course Yoo Kihyun was not gonna let it slide.  
"Sup' Hyungwon. How has life been treating you?" Hoseok popped up right next to him, gave him a peck on his cheek and answered on his behalf that life had been treating them fairly well so they couldn't complain.

Lucky them, because I surely couldn't say the same thing about me.

I let the guys in, trying to convince myself that I should not mind Changkyun but as soon as I got to the living room my eyes set upon his figure and that burning feeling came back all at once. For the whole time I faked laughs and smiles, whatever they were talking about couldn't stop the river of thoughts I was drowning in. The only way to stop this was to talk to him, this distress of mine could be resolved only by facing him and this time, unlike our first meeting, I was the one who approached him. My hands were sweating and my heartbeat was drumming. All the chatter seemed to stop as our friends could only but stare at us while I walked up to Changkyun and questioned whether we could have a talk, the two of us only.

 He agreed and we excused ourselves.

 "Jooheon, I know exactly what you want to say—"

"I'm sorry, Changkyun. I know you don't want to hear it but I cannot bottle it up much longer so I'd rather just tell you and get over with it." The look he had in his eyes I despised it. Changkyun seemed so fragile and even if he tried his best not to show it, his poker face was wavering. In no time it could fall and break. "You will find someone who will cherish you and love you the way you deserve and need; but that person is not me. For my obliviousness, that was tearing you apart, I am extremely sorry. However, I cannot change how I feel—" I was faltering my apologies to Changkyun non-stop, it was the least I could do after all the pain I had made him go through.

"This is why I left, hyung. When Minhyuk came into the picture I realized that I was clinging onto shreds of light that were beginning to flicker. I needed time to get over you, I _still_ need time." He looked at me intensively and a sad smile appeared on his face. I did not know what else to say, hence I couldn't but oblige to his silent request.

"I'll wait for you then. Unfortunately, I can only do this much for you and my words can't even make you realize how terribly I feel about this." I wanted to hug my best friend but, until he hadn't his feelings sorted out, I was scared of hurting him even more. However, as if he was reading my mind, he walked towards me and pulled me into a tight hug while a quick thank you was whispered to me. That warmed up my heart, to me it was a sign that soon enough we would be back as the duo we once were and I was so happy that I forgot to tell him that he had nothing to thank me for.

When we got back to the living room Kihyun was serving his homemade bibimpap. As soon as he saw us his eyes sparkled, a smile spread across his face and I felt so grateful and fortunate for having him —and all of the guys—  in my life.

**• • •**

"So you finally made up with him?" Minhyuk was sitting in front of me, smiling as usual and I couldn't help but drown in his eyes. I hadn't seen him in a while too busy sinking in my own thoughts but I had missed him dearly. After meeting up with the guys at Hyunwoo and Kihyun's apartment, I texted him apologizing for never replying to his texts nor calls and in a matter of minutes I had received a reply which read: _You have to make up for this, honey. An apology like this one won't work._

Thus, I decided to invite him at the cafe where he once had treated me coffee for smashing a door in my face. Come to think of it much time had passed since then, yet it seemed like Minhyuk had always been a part of my life.

 "I think so." I answered as I sipped my Americano and for once I took my eyes off of him. I couldn't help it, I was mesmerized by his beauty. In addition his new hairstyle was of no help, his hair once silver was now pitch black and it gave him a darker vibe but it suited him flawlessly.  
"Now that there are no misunderstandings between us, it's only a matter of time." He smiled and I could feel my heartbeat drumming, yet I was at ease. I couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly had me over the heels for him, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I felt like I had to tell him now, because I couldn't keep it to myself. After having experienced, through Changkyun, what could happened by hiding what I harbor for him, I didn't want to risk it any further.

"I'm glad Honey, but don't think I'm going to let it slide. You making up with him, isn't a good reason to shut your friends out! Something else must've happened—"

It was now or never. I gathered all of my courage and fiercely looked at him in his brown, hypnotizing eyes, then I took one of his hands and at that very moment he stopped speaking. It was all up to me so, despite of the fear, I blurted out as calmly as possible: "You're not a friend for me, hyung."  
That was probably the worse word choice I could've come up with. I realized that upon seeing something flicker in his eyes and soon after the usual bubbly aura he always had was gone.

"I don't recall the exact moment but at a certain point your presence became way too important for me. I could say that I like you but it's that doesn't compare to how I feel. I could say I love you but that's too rushed, so I am just gonna say that I blank space you, Minhyuk hyung." I bit my lip, since I was so scared, and for the same reason I also let go of his hand. I was sweating, hyperventilating. If I was staring intensely at him before, I sure as hell couldn't now. A wave of insecurity washed over me. I had destroyed it all, hadn't I?

"We're going to have to fill that blank space, sooner or later."

 Maybe not.

 My gaze met his and we probably looked like two idiots with those huge smiles plastered on our faces, but that's love I think.

 Two souls who share one heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there! I hope you all enjoyed reading this, as I did while writing it.  
> It was a fun ride rollercoaster ride.  
> I also posted this on wattpad, under the same username and the same title name.  
> If you liked it please do leave some kudos, as it would brighten up my day a lot and encourage me~  
> P.S. English is not my mother tongue please bear with me and my mistakes


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